Alamelu Janaki

I couldn't actually stop myself from thinking about the recent Rithanya case in TamilNadu, where she commits suicide upon the dowry demand and ill treatment from her husband and family, with in 78 days of marriage. Despite the lakhs and crores involved, no agency emancipated her. The audio notes and my personal experience took its form and made me write this.  I have tried to rationalize the traumatic process.  I am inspiring to impart the feeling of togetherness to anybody who is facing similar situation, in diluted or intense forms. Be it love or arranged marriage this dowry demanding and giving process is very much in practice. It is not ancient but persistent. In some way or the other the patriarchal society via  the groom's family constructs "you are unfit, irresponsible, my son deserved better." narrative around the bride and her family. The first person experience of this treatment is so horrible that despite the empowered labels - education, career, skills, o...

  Appa is now my amma as well. This is an appa’s appreciation blog. Post amma’s demise, I longed for my mother’s presence, not having realised, what a solid support my father has been offering me. Appa’s love language is never loud and clear, I don’t remember   we having any sort of physical touch. He isn’t expressive. But, In retrospection,   I see that he is the embodiment of love. In all the little and big things he did for me, I have propelled   forward.   Appa is now my amma as well. Post childbirth, he helps me run the family whenever he comes to Bengaluru. I would be so lost in void if not for his contribution. When appa comes to  Bengaluru,   he does the following things: 1.                  He completely takes care of   Thulir, bathes her, feeds her, changes her diaper, takes her for a stroll, engages her with no trace of grumblings.   2.    ...

    “Valai” will eat you alive. In an interview with Barathwaj Rangan, the director   Mari Selvaraj told that the film “valai” is like:     “you consume normal water and you die”. That’s how simple and perplexed it is! The film is not just a slice of life of a downtrodden family, it is also the nature of life and the vicious cycle of power itself.     It is more than a week since I watched the film, I can’t get over it. I feel there is a rusted knife slowly piercing my stomach inch by inch.   The film transports you to a beautiful world of a boy’s coming of age. His life is calm, beautiful and pretty much sticks to the routine. Things change as he develops resilience and decides to retaliate against things he detests. in contrast, the equation between him and his teacher is sheer delight. The innocence of his unadulterated love for his teacher is rejuvenating.   As the little boy’s wings equip him to fly, he is clipped down by hun...

  Most of the times, I am overwhelmed by the little things people do for me, in my desperate state.      I am a year old since my delivery, now that i recall my pregnancy process, i remember all the people who  participated in the process.  Strangely all my memory concerns food.       When i was carrying , I used to be super hungry once I come home from college. There will be nobody at home, kalyan will be at his mother’s place, I will go straight to my friend Prathi’s house. She wouldn’t be there either. One such time prathi’s brother in law was in town, seeing me he was like “yenga, pasikudha?” (are you hungry? ) my face failed me, and poor thing he made a large glass of coffee and was like drink it up, he gave me three biscuit packets as well. It was an inexplicable feeling.   Every time, I think of this, I tear up. I don't find exact words to describe that feeling.         During my pregnancy, I thin...

  The more I shun myself from thinking about the distressing events happening around me, the more I become guilty. This write up (outpour) is a reflection of the clashing questions, thoughts that linger in my mind.   Is there any rationale behind r*pe? Of course not, no crime is just. I have always thought r*pe is due to uncontrollable lust, an exploitation of helpless people.   More than exhibiting power and displaying violence it feels there is more misogyny and desire to control.   why will a man  r*pe ? What eggs him for such an act of violence? Is he aware of the repercussions? Or does he even know it is violence and unacceptable?   The following are my propositions: 1.                       😓   Because he/they is/are able to do it and get away? 2.                        😓    People in power and p...

  Postpartum Blues       I don’t know if I am usually like this, or my howling has got something to do with my postpartum depression.  Recently, I find myself deeply vulnerable, sensitive and I long for a loving, comforting, acknowledging, appreciating cocoon. I feel lonely quite often nor do I enjoy the company. In the recent quarrel episode, I was scared about myself. The self- harming and self-loathing thoughts I had were so terrifying.  I tried to recall the trail of events and string of thoughts to bring  a rationale to my outburst. I am writing this to come in terms with myself. If I am angry, the following can happen: 1.     I hurt myself or the one i love, deliberately. 2.     My emotions and thoughts take control over me. 3.     I want compassion, but show no signs of receiving it. 4.     I want it to stop, but i will have to be the person to utter the last word. 5. ...