UNUSUAL FIRST DATE

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    “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, they say.  But I suppose our mind conceives so much of presumptuous notions/ideas in minutes about the person you met. Maybe if you are not prepared for the situation, you wouldn’t anticipate anything. But when you yourself are hyped up about it, you are already there building so much of theories and analyzing every nuance and intricacy of the person you have just met, in all the  possible ways. Obviously, you are being unabashedly judgmental and cynical.

    This scene involves me and a guy, who later became my husband. That was our first date, post all our texting in Instagram. We displayed liking in Matrimony site and thus texted a while. How much of a person you can actually see through words and this guy swore to god to never use emojis. I had lot of insecurities  concerning marriage, perhaps due to my consistent exposure to patriarchal texts and stereotypes. I imagined all the worst things about having a husband. That he would be a dominating figure, confronting all my decisions, confining my thoughts and contesting my free will and a lot more. My guards were so high, thus making it highly impossible  for him to convince me in creating a good impression.

    On a sunnyday, for lunch we met at VR mall. I vividly remember the way he walked across the corridor, with no trace of visible joy or excitement. He walked straight towards me, lazily responding to my vibrant energetic hand-waving. That is when I hit my lowest of lows. There was a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind, does he not like me, is he that dumb in expressing, is he feeling too shy to smile, I was lost.

    As we walked across, I found everything he did to be weird.  I know I was fussy, but I started freaking out in my mind. Can someone look this calm and lifeless, even while eating an icecream? Will someone squeeze a slipper to check its quality before buying? Can someone sleep in theatre? Can he watch a film randomly, not knowing what to expect? All that he did and spoke gave me alarming signals, he was also uncomfortable seeing me fizzle out.

    I became squeamish about all his choices. He picked Rajasthani Thali for lunch. I felt bloated already, as I nibbled he was like “leave it be, if it doesn’t suit your appetite” and I was like god, he chooses to waste money and food.

    I know all these are on me. There is a just reason for all his deeds that day, now that I recall I am able to see. Even if he had smiled initially I wouldn’t have known, because he had two masks on, he did his best to make me comfortable but just the super-cautious person I was, I messed it up. I am the reason for the chaos that happened on our first date.

    Since then, it took almost a year’s time for my perceptions to change and numerous incidents for my fear  to be subsided and now, I am at peace with the choice I made.   

     I am indeed ashamed to have judged him in all the inappropriate ways, but then I had my reasons to believe so.   I might have appeared as an hypocrite, contrary to all my beliefs and ideologies. It has become an ever green bad memory in both of our minds.

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